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Diary from the future |
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August 23rd, 2007 11:29pm |
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Recently archaeologists made a startling discovery when they unearthed writings appearing to be from “another time”. Throughout history we have learned much from the writings of those who have lived before us, but never before have we had the great opportunity to gain insight from someone in the distant future.
The futuristic pages are written in pink glittery ink and appear to be the writings of a teenage girl to her diary.
Though encrypted with lots of “lols”, “jks” and other hard to decipher phrases, scientists were able to translate, what they believe to be , an accurate portrait of a teenager in the future. Here is an excerpt:
“Dear Diary,
My new gas mask is so lame. I mean you do not even understand how terrible it is. I showed up at school today and , I swear, it was like I was the only one wearing my brother’s old gas mask. I spent most of the day crying in the bathroom (which is not fun while wearing a gas mask). I am so fat. I had like 2 electric tacos today at lunch.”
She then drew a picture of what appears to be a unicorn wearing a gas mask.
The diary never explains why gas masks are being worn, but it does speak of something she repeatedly refers to as “The Incident”. Experts originally thought this to be a cataclysmic nuclear fallout of some sort, but later determined it to be the breakup of she and her boyfriend, Brent.
“ The terrorists were at school again. Thankfully the aliens showed up to protect us. Even with all this going on, all I could think about was Brent. I can’t believe it’s really over. Our song came on the radio in my head today : ( ....”
Her diary provides few details about current events and even fewer correctly spelled words, but it is filled with passion. It reveals an emotional young girl struggling to understand the world and relationships around her.
“President Vin Diesel is on t.v. again and is totally messing up my shows! Tonight is the season finale of the Bachelor and he’s supposed to decide which of the girls gets to be shot by him. I hope it’s Jessica. I like her. She seems so sweet. I wish more guys were like him and fewer guys were like Brent. He is so immature. All he does is sit around with his friends and throw kittens. Such a weird sport – but I think he really does think he could go pro. I will admit: He is good at it.”
Her writings reveal a society and culture that is similar yet differs greatly from our own. Entertainment and recreation have grown to become much more raucous and “extreme”. Here she describes a soda commercial she enjoys:
“I’m so hyper right now Diary! Today after work I was soo thirsty and I picked up a Mountain Bull (which is pretty much the best drink ever.) I love their commercials with the guys snowboarding and eating babies.”
Though the time is different and humanity has progressed so much, some things remain the same. Teenagers will be teenagers – whether living in the present or the distant future. She frets over high school, obsesses over boys, and lives in constant fear of large scale attacks by intelligent panda bears seeking political power, animal health care reform, and large amounts of bamboo.
This diary is a fascinating peek into what brave new future is ahead for mankind. We can only speculate what will happened between now and the diary’s final entry date: December 2007.
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