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Six Things My Cats Can't Do |
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September 6th, 2006 11:44am |
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Every now and again you have to have that moment of clarity where you come to the realization that there are certain things you cannot do. For instance, I'm just now beginning to grasp that my rear isn't jiggly enough to be one of those girls in rap videos. I'm coming to grips with that. I also realize that I'll never be a professional rodeo clown. I don't have the talent or the endurance to do so - and I'm okay with that now.
But whenever I get discouraged about things I can't do I think about our dumb little animal friends and all the things I can do that they can't. We have two kittens, Laverne and Shirley. They are cute and I love them, and they empower me when I realize how superior I am as a human.
Six Things My Cats Can't Do (Part One)
1. Call and order chinese food. (I've even left the phone book open to the number and the phone ready to go but they couldn't do it)
2. Comprehend art. Be it paintings, literature, or film. (Though they do seem to be able to grasp most Paul Walker films - they love 2 Fast 2 Furious)
3. Drive my car. My cat looked like she wanted to drive it. I handed her the keys, sat her in the front seat and nothing. Maybe it's because my car is too large for her. I wonder if one day there will be little cars for cats to drive. (They could call them Cat-illacs)
4. Say any word other than 'meow' or 'reow'.
5. Dance to Will Smith's 1999 classic "Men In Black" while wearing sunglasses and a little suit. Sure they can dance when I pick up their front paws and move them side to side - but there is little feeling. They have no rhythm or soul - two things vital to dancing to songs Will Smith wrote for movies.
6. Write a novel that makes sense. I challenged both cats to write a novel. I told them it could be based in reality or the absurd. It could be of any genre - just needed to be fiction. And I told them they could use my computer, typewriter, or good ol' pencil and paper. They both instantly chose the pencil and paper and began batting it around pretending it was a bug. Perhaps they're seeking their souls before they begin writing (but I've seen some of Shirley's writing - it's quite verbose and lacks consistency);
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