Dear Sweetheart,

I think you should sit down before you read this in its entirety. Are you seated?

I know we've been dating for three wonderful years, but there's something I feel I should tell you. I am a German Shepherd.

Yes, I am a dog. I didn't want you to find out this way. In fact, I would have thought you would find out on your own by now. When we first met I tried to tell you, but you were so busy laughing at the fact that I just peed on a tree. I did that because I'm a dog. You see, that's what we do. There have been so many times I tried to tell you, but the time never seemed right. But now that flea and tick season is ending, I think I can tell you.

You're always talking about how we should be honest with each other, right? Hopefully now that you know this fact about me we can move past it. Maybe, too, it will help explain any questions about our relationship you may have had. Why don't your parents like me? Well, because I'm a dog. Why is there always fur on the couch when I get up? That's because I'm a dog. Why do I never eat the chocolate you give me? Dog. Why don't I buy you birthday or anniversary gifts? Dogs aren't allowed in stores and dogs don't have money. (Also, you..re very hard to shop for.)

Again, I am sorry for keeping this from you. It was never my intention to hurt you. (Though it was my intention to hurt Whiskers, your cat. For that I am deeply sorry. I was sure when you found me with Whiskers in my mouth it would tip you off, but you firmly believed my story where I said she just ..walked in my mouth while I was napping...)

I understand if you never want to see me again. If so, I will move on, but everytime I hear that James Blunt song or a sharp ringing noise that only I can hear because I'm a dog, I will think of the night we met and I will weep.

Yours,
Edgar